Tuesday, October 28, 2008

brizzness time

on some non-criterion criterion stuff, this months gq has a photo essay on the definitive women of film. mentioned honorably are criterion faves like jean luc-godard's one time wifey, anna karina, aka shorty from band of outsiders, that sexy ass bowler toting dimepiece from the barely bearable unbearable lightness of being, and the woman who i once bedded in my former life as a a whiskey swigging, drug abusing stagehand for the stones in swingin' 60's london- julie christie. it is well worth a looksie.

not to be overlooked, we here at the tcp have put together our own list of criterion hotties for your consideration in no particular order of smashability:

5. sissy spacek, 3 women

there's something sexy about scary women. not in the campy elvyra kind of way but in that penetrating sissy spacek gaze kind of way.

5a. sweetie

i'm a man who appreciates a nice porterhouse of a woman. i also find mental instability more than a little attractive. sweetie fulfills all these pre-reqs.

4. paola pitagora, fists in the pocket

she looks like barbara streisand, who i do not find attractive and sophia coppola who reminds me of a young barbara streisand. therefore, i now find barbara streisand attractive. this pic does little to illustrate my point but she's fly nonetheless.

3.aboriginal women, walkabout.

getting lost in the outback has never been sexier.

2. susan george, straw dogs (solving world peace in her head, up top)

sex crimes portrayed on film can be awkward. it's even more awkward when the girl in question is a susan george caliber dime brizzle. you have to remind yourself that at least you're not into anime porn- that would definitely be worse, right?

1. olivia d'abo, kicking & screaming

as a tike, formulating what would be a future of perceptions of what women should and shouldn't be, her character on the wonder years was the prototype. i hug-pounded my pre-pubescent self when she came on screen in kicking & screaming. he didn't know how to receive the hug pound and head-bunted me in the scrotes. the older me needed that.

so that's our list. let the debating begin or whatever.


we're all going to die. got it? if not, please go see synecdoche, new york and learn, slowly.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

hole up

british director mike leigh has a new movie out called happy-go-lucky. its ads announce 'aw shucks' reviews like 'it will make you love life again', 'a reason to be on planet earth' and 'i finally called my daughter'. what the reviews don't say is that this whimsical, flighty flick is brained from the same man who brought naked into the world. this is like finding out that shel silverstein used to write books that were unforgettably effed up and demented.
thought y'all should know.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

keep it thoro

the 10th grade was a blur. most of my time was spent in the livingston mall world foot locker stock room, box cutter in hand, hot sam in my belly. it was within these mobb deep-blaring environs that i experienced my first legit black girl crush and heartbreak. her name intentionally escapes me, but her sauciness i will never forget. she had the elegant eyes of a disney princess and lips seductively penciled in a way i had not seen duplicated in the halls of my admittedly white high school. a true dime, indeed.

she, too beautiful for suburban retail, and myself becoming acquainted with phase IV of boyhood awkwardness, our frequent, brief exchanges had an air of the surreal. i'd be intently organizing the men's new balance running section (always a bitch) and i'd glance down the hall to find her sauntering over, eyes locked on mine. to whatever i said, she found to be the most interesting thing she'd heard form anyone ever. back then (and even now, kinda) that was all it took to have my heart. soon i had visions of my nubian foot locker fling and i stealing the show at the upcoming homecoming dance. i had fallen so hard that i was nearly willing to work an extra shift for free just so i could be around her. if i hadn't called my mom to ask her if i could work for free, i would have. completely serious.

it didn't take me long thereafter to realize that this was what my manager wanted all along. although never confirmed, i'm convinced my ebony goddess had, at my manager's behest, flirted with me and impressively feigned attraction to keep me a happy, devoted foot lockerer.
she was damn fine so i ain't mad at him.

i also vaguely remember reading shakespeare's macbeth in the 10th grade, which is the inspiration for akira kurosawa's throne of blood.