looks like someone's missin

i was wondering the other day, what ever happened to the original story told through film? the theaters are packed with star trek this and the watchmen that. last year's best picture, 'slumdog millionstupid', was based off a book (Q&A). as was the year before's, 'no country for old men' and the much better also-ran 'there will be blood' (Oil!).

the movie of the moment, tyson (which i just saw on bootleg dvd with french subtitles), isn't anything new, it's a documentary slash biography.
the only dude i can think of who is banging out original sh*t is tyler perry. and i can't say that he made madea's family reunion for my humble tastes. what does that leave me to look forward to? zach braff's latest take on growing up?

i really really like david lynch--'mulholland dr.' especially. he writes and directs movies with feeling and more importantly, purpose. as ironman 2, public enemies (based on a true story), and 'where the wild things are' try to pound into our heads the idea that you should spend $12 to see something that exists only because they can convince you to see it and thus make the studios mucho dinero, i miss him more and more.

dumb or retarded

(the TCP has temporarily awakened from its REM sleep to participate in lucid screening's third annual white elephant blog-a-f*ck-i-just-watched-a-really-sh*tty-movie extravaganza)

assignment: DOA: Dead or Alive

i love trying new things. like this floating glass shelf i installed in my apartment during my leisure time. i'd never used a drill independently (powerful!). nor had i ever purchased screws at a hardware store before (15 cents each!). firsts are funnnn.

this axiom does not always hold true however. some firsts are horrible. like your first oral surgery procedure. or your first holocaust nightmare. or watching your first feature-length movie based on a mildly-popular xbox game by a company called mindfire. yea, some firsts aren't fun at all.

'coming soon to video' trailers: a movie called 'black sheep' that doesn't star chris farley, 'red line' which is impossibly not listed on imdb, and 'born to fight' which literally has no reason to exist except to meet the $2.99 price point at the waldbaum's checkout display.

i've never played DOA before so that may have hindered my overall viewing experience. so many questions! why would the DOA tournament knowingly invite a 'master thief' to compete? why would the passcode to the vault containing the $100 MM cash prize be 'hidden' on the neck of the founder's daughter? it's literally under her ponytail.

i did know going in about DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball. so when the contestants organized their own beach volleyball game, i gave myself a high-five in my brain cuz i was totally in on it.

the movie itself is broken up into days, which is really cool because that's how time works.

kevin nash (above, acting) used to be a professional wrestler called kevin nash. in DOA he is asked to provide comic relief. hahaha! the star of DOA is eric roberts whose acting credits include the silver-haired lothario in the killers' mr. brightside video and the well-dressed lothario in mariah's we belong together video.

thank you to whoever suggested this piece of crap.
dead or alive? dead. definitely dead.

shhhh...

this blog is sleeping..

oh yea

i know i'm mad tardy on this one, but ALL criterion movies are 40% off on their website 'til this tuesday.

where she stops, somebody knows

comedic improv takes on many forms. literally! improv forms provide structure to an art form that otherwise is as structureless as a swedish jellyfish.

say for instance you and i are doing a scene where you play a fireman and i'm your incompetent, easily-distracted boss. our scene finds us speeding down a city block to put out a fire, but i want to stop and get a free cone at ben & jerry's because i happened to have voted earlier that morning. in an act of blind loyalty, you join me in line.

this scene could go on forever, of course, but what should happen is that it gets "edited" and a completely new scene starts (maybe at a zoo). now, depending on what kind of form we agreed on beforehand, another member of our group could initiate a scene where we revisit our established hapless fireman and child-like boss characters. and our group would be on the same page because the form called for it. so there you go. improv exposed (wipes hands clean, takes sip from ssips box).

la ronde (french for, the round) is an improv form inspired by the max olphus film from 1950. the movie consists, essentially, of two-person scenes where the first character to enter is the first to leave and a new character is introduced in a new scene with the second character from the first scene. this goes on for 1.5 hours where ultimately, things come full circle. you can see how this can be used in improv.

the table-mannered dog in the picture above is the only character not a part of the 'la ronde', though his scene with the boozed up count is most enjoyable. as for the rest of the movie, people come and people go, some you are happy to see exit where others you wish could stick around a bit longer. one of these is simon simone's chambermaid. straight fire.

wish this movie was funnier. but i guess that's not fair to mr. olhpus who never asked to be the founder of a comedic improv form.

america has finally listened.

brizzness time

on some non-criterion criterion stuff, this months gq has a photo essay on the definitive women of film. mentioned honorably are criterion faves like jean luc-godard's one time wifey, anna karina, aka shorty from band of outsiders, that sexy ass bowler toting dimepiece from the barely bearable unbearable lightness of being, and the woman who i once bedded in my former life as a a whiskey swigging, drug abusing stagehand for the stones in swingin' 60's london- julie christie. it is well worth a looksie.

not to be overlooked, we here at the tcp have put together our own list of criterion hotties for your consideration in no particular order of smashability:

5. sissy spacek, 3 women

there's something sexy about scary women. not in the campy elvyra kind of way but in that penetrating sissy spacek gaze kind of way.

5a. sweetie

i'm a man who appreciates a nice porterhouse of a woman. i also find mental instability more than a little attractive. sweetie fulfills all these pre-reqs.

4. paola pitagora, fists in the pocket

she looks like barbara streisand, who i do not find attractive and sophia coppola who reminds me of a young barbara streisand. therefore, i now find barbara streisand attractive. this pic does little to illustrate my point but she's fly nonetheless.

3.aboriginal women, walkabout.

getting lost in the outback has never been sexier.

2. susan george, straw dogs (solving world peace in her head, up top)

sex crimes portrayed on film can be awkward. it's even more awkward when the girl in question is a susan george caliber dime brizzle. you have to remind yourself that at least you're not into anime porn- that would definitely be worse, right?

1. olivia d'abo, kicking & screaming

as a tike, formulating what would be a future of perceptions of what women should and shouldn't be, her character on the wonder years was the prototype. i hug-pounded my pre-pubescent self when she came on screen in kicking & screaming. he didn't know how to receive the hug pound and head-bunted me in the scrotes. the older me needed that.


so that's our list. let the debating begin or whatever.